I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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