I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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