just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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