umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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