So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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