At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
