I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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