I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
