the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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