I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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