You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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