I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
