I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
