It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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