Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
