You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
