Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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