Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
