So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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