So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
