Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
