Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
