I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize