When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
