Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
