he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
