u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
