it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
pray to the hookup gods
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
