gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize