That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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