I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
