Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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