So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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