im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
