Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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