Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize