just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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