Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize