We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
