He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
