Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
