Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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