Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
