Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
