I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
