she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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