i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
