If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
