Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
