I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
