I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
