trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
