No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize