I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
