He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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