she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
