in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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