TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
