Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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