Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize