i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
