you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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