Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
