Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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