i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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