Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
