If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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